


Little Lost Soul

by crzcorgi



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mild Sexual Content, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-10-27 06:00:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10803195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crzcorgi/pseuds/crzcorgi
Summary: Negan is drawn to a new Sanctuary resident.





	1. Chapter 1

Today started out like any other fucking day. Making my rounds around the Sanctuary, never able to trust the fuckheads to make sure everything was running smoothly. Consequently, this was my daily routine before I could truly start my day.

I was heading towards the main front hall when I stopped to glance inside the school/nursery. I don't usually go this way, it's Simon's area, but something fucking drew me. 

I stood to the side of the door, not wanting to be seen. Kids of all ages, running around, laughing, playing. Jesus, to fucking be a kid and totally unaware of what's going on outside these walls. I sighed, and I'm fucking responsible for them all. 

Then I saw her. She was sitting at a table near the back, two little ones, a boy and a girl, sitting with her. They were all looking at a book, then making these hand gestures. She had long y/h/c hair, braided, and eyes so big and bright I could see they were y/e/c from where I was. 

“Can I help you, Mr. Negan?” I jumped back a bit, startled by the young woman.

“Uh, the girl, over there with 2 kids, what is she teaching them?”

“Oh, yes, they're all learning sign language.”

I raised my eyebrows. “They're deaf? All of them?” I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. Watching the way she was with them, so animated, so happy. But how did she survive being deaf? 

“Oh no, y/n isn't deaf, but she's mute, and it's impossibly hard for her to communicate with anyone. She came to me asking if I had any sign language books. I didn't, but when you all found the library on one the runs, I asked one of your men if they could keep an eye out for one.”

“Mute? Like she can't talk?” I had heard about mutes before, but just didn't understand what it entailed.

“Yes, I don't know anymore than that. She never divulged more about herself. She's wonderful with the kids, even though this isn't her job.”

“You mean this isn't her job? What is she supposed to be doing?” What the fuck was going on? People switching jobs was not something I allowed. Even when said person looked like her.

“Y/N still works her given job at night, I think it's in the custodial department. She isn't getting points for this, sir. I'm sorry if I implied that.”

“Oh, okay. That's fine.” But when the fuck does she sleep and eat?

A tap on my shoulder made me turn quickly. 

“Been looking for you, we just got a new bunch in, just a half dozen or so, not sure as Dwight brought them. Meeting?” Simon started looking around. “What are you doing in here? Something up?”

“No, nope, just noticed something someone and came in to ask, Ms. _”

“Mrs. James.” 

“Yes, Mrs. James, a few questions. And thank you for answering them.”

“You're very welcome, Mr. Negan, would you like me to introduce you to Y/N? I will warn you, she's extremely shy, and not just because of the mutism.”

“No, no, that's okay. You have a nice day.” 

“You too!”

Walking out of the room following Simon, I glanced back over my shoulder to see y/n looking over at me, but quickly looking away when she noticed me looking back. 

“I need you to do me a favor after this meeting Simon. I need you to check into a girl who works as a janitor I think, at night. Her name's y/n.”

“Y/N, I know her.” Fat Joey came up behind us, making me fucking jump again, a fucking sandwich in his hand.

“Jesus fuck, Joseph! For such a large fucker, you walk like a cat.” I rolled my eyes, rubbing my stubble. “So, you know her, how?”

“Well, on the nights you've had me patrolling I sometimes run into her. She's cool, real good listener, doesn't talk much though.” Joey shrugged, continuing to eat some of the fucking concoction he had.

“Christ, Fat Joey, she's fucking mute! She doesn't talk!” I sighed, closing my eyes and dropping Lucille from my shoulder. 

He tilted his head at me, confused, but then a look of recognition came over his face. “Oh, OH! So she can't talk. Well that explains a lot.”

Simon was laughing at this point. I was just done. “Yes, she doesn't speak. So where do you run into her exactly?” I questioned him.

“Down in the lower basement, she mops the floors in the boiler room and the cells.”

“Jesus! What fuckwad would put a tiny girl who can't protect herself down there? No.” I was fucking pissed. Yet another job I had to fucking take over.

“I dunno, bossman, she's taken out a couple of guys that have gotten too handsy with her.”

“Fuck Joseph, she shouldn't have to do that, you just standing by watching that go the fuck down, huh?!”

“No, no! I mean, it's what they've told me, honest! I wouldn't let anyone hurt her, she's nice to me.” 

“Negan, meeting?” 

I nodded to Simon. “Just keep a fucking eye on her Joseph.”

After the meeting with the new Sanctuary members, I pulled Simon over. “I want you to find out all you can about y/n. And, I want her janitorial services. She's cleaning my floor now.” 

“Including your wives rooms?” Simon looked at me strangely. 

“What the fuck did I just say, Simon? Yes, that will include the wives quarters.” I wasn't sure why, but I was second guessing that. 

“Okay, you're the boss.”

Over the next week, I found that y/n and I seemed to never cross paths, but fucking damn if my room wasn't cleaner. 

I was sitting looking at some maps of a potential new community takeover, I heard a knock at my door. 

“Come in.” I figured it was Simon with his afternoon updates.

“Hey boss.” Simon entered, but he wasn't alone. An older woman came in too. “So, this here is Cynthia, she was in the group with y/n when they arrived.”

I stood, walking over to them both. She suddenly kneeled. “No need to do that here.” I looked at Simon questioningly. “Can you excuse us for a minute?” She stood up nodding her head yes.

We walked out into the hall. “So, you brought her the fuck here because?”

“She knows a lot about y/n. She told me a lot, but I figured it would be easier for it to come directly from the horse's mouth.”

“Okay, yeah, that will work. Thanks. You don't need to stay.”

Simon turned to walk away but stopped and turned back. “I gotta ask, why do you want to know about her? I mean you've got a fucking smoking hot lot of the best of the apocalyptic pussies. Yet you're going after a little lost bunny who's scared of her own shadow. Not exactly your type, boss.” 

“You know Simon, it's not really your fucking business, correct?”

“Yeah, okay. See you round “ This time he kept walking. 

Fuck if he wasn’t right, it made no sense whatsoever. But something fucking drew me to her. Maybe it was the fact she was so different from any of my wives. Whatever it was, I just couldn't control what I was doing.

Walking back into my room, I motioned for the woman to sit down. Grabbing myself a drink, I offered her one also.

“No thank you sir. Simon said you were curious about y/n?”

I sat down across from her. “Yes, it's not very often that you run into someone who's fucking mute. Especially in the apocalypse.” I placed my drink down on the table. “So, do you know why she's mute? Did she come here with family?”

She looked up at me, a bit timid. “She wasn't always mute, she was fine before 'the end’” She said, while using those fucking air quotes. “Her sister said she had something very traumatic happen to her, wouldn't go into details with anyone though, called it 'selective mutism’ I think.”

“Sister? Is she here?” And if she is, why am I not talking to her? Fucking Simon.

“No, she went off with another group not long before we came here. She did it to save y/n. They wanted to take y/n with them, but Lily, that was y/n sister’s name, begged them to take her instead. And they did.” She looked down at her feet, shuffling them.

“Fuck, that's gotta be hard on her.”

“Yes, sir. Her sister was basically her voice. A bunch of us try to still help when we can, but we all work different jobs, makes it kinda hard. Not that I'm complaining!” She held her hands up.

“That's fine, I understand. Someone should be with her that can help. Fuckers around here aren't always so competent.” 

“She's really a wonderful girl, helpful, caring, I don't think there's a mean bone in her body. But she's so sad, and so so scared. All the time. Whatever happened to her, to make her this way, it had to be bad.” She took a tissue out of her pocket, wiping at her nose. 

I leaned over to grab my drink. “Thank you for coming here and answering my questions. Is there anything else you could tell me that might help me help her?” 

“Not really, well, I don't mean to bad talk anyone, but…” she seemed hesitant to finish her thought.

“Yes? No one will know that you talked to me. Your fucking safe to say anything.” I needed to know what she wanted to say.

“Well, sir, some of your men like to harass her. A few of us have asked them to stop but they just laugh at us or…or...” she stuttered, hesitating once more. “They've threatened us, saying that you're fine with it.” She looked up at me, her eyes quickly darting back down. 

I was fucking livid and couldn't hold it in. I stood up fast, slamming my drink down, making her jump. “Goddamn fucking fuckers! I most certainly do not condone that kind of fucking behavior!” I started pacing around the room. “I'm not mad at you darling.” I could see her visibly shaking. “Don't worry, they will not be fucking threatening anyone again.”

I had to ask her what she meant by “harassing her” but I was pretty fucking sure I knew what she meant. And I knew Lucille might be going out tonight. I sat back down, picking my drink up and swallowing the rest. I looked over at her.

“Harassing her, in what fucking way, exactly?”

She sniffed. “You know, calling her all kinds of names, touching her, you know, sexual stuff.” She whispered the last part, but I fucking heard it. 

Jesus fucking Christ, I needed to get her somewhere safe. “Okay, sweetheart” I stood up walking over to her, offering my hand. “I'm going to be taking care of this, fucking right away. You will be safe, as will the others.”

She stood, taking my hand, “and y/n?”

“I'll take care of her. This will stop.” 

I walked over to the door just as a knock came. Opening it up, I was surprised to see Fat Joseph. And y/n.

“Uh, sir, it's time for y/n to clean. Do you want us to come back later, cause we can?” 

Y/N, slowly slid behind Joey, her fear evident. I could see her big eyes peeking around. 

“No, no, this is perfect. I was just finishing up a talk with a friend of y/n’s.” I stepped aside letting Cynthia out.

“Y/N!” She pulled her into a hug, which y/n seemed to readily accept. “Mr. Negan is going to help you, there's no need to be scared. Ok?”

She nodded her head, quickly glancing up at me, then looking away just as quickly. 

“I'll see you later, okay y/n?” Cynthia told her as she let go of her, starting down the hallway. She nodded to me, mouthing a silent “thank you.”

I signaled Joseph inside, but doll just stood there, looking downward. “It's okay sweetheart, I'm not going to hurt you.” I started to place my hand on her shoulder but removed it when she flinched. “Well, don't mind me, just do your magic doll.” 

I sat at my desk, going through papers and listening to Joseph prattle on and on about some inane shit. 

“So then, I looked down and I was covered in walker guts, everywhere!” I was about to fucking yell at Joseph for his raucous laughter when I glanced over at doll, she was smiling at him, while dusting the paintings on the wall. How could I deny her happiness. Jesus, fucking pure.

I stood up walking over to where she was standing on a chair to dust a shelf.

“That's okay, doll, no…” Suddenly, she shifted, I must have startled her and she began to fall backwards. I put my arms out and was able to catch her, causing her to squeak. 

“Careful there doll, I know I'm fucking handsome, but no need to throw yourself at me!” My laugh stopped on my lips when I realized she looked fucking scared, tears starting to fall. I had to figure out what to do, and quick.

“Oh, sweetheart, I'm not goin’ hurt you.” I gently placed her down on a sofa, sitting next to her, but not too close. She looked over at me, cries that had turned into tiny hiccups. 

“How about I have Joseph here take you for a walk, maybe go get some of that new fruit that was just brought back, sound good?” 

She stood up, looking at Joey, trying to communicate with him.

“She hasn't finished cleaning, I think she's upset with it.” Joey looked confused.

“Oh fuck, no need to finish darling, you just go with Joe here, he’ll take care of you.” I wanted to touch her, but I knew she would freak. So I just nodded towards her, and patted Joseph instead. 

As they headed out the door, y/n turned to face me. And I swear I saw a fucking smile. 

Right then and there, I vowed to see more of that.


	2. A Sign of Thanks

After Fat Joseph took y/n down to the kitchen for some fruit, I decided I fucking needed to have a talk with Simon. 

 

Picking up my radio, “Simon, get your ass to my quarters now.”

 

A few seconds later, “okay, boss. Anything I need to know right now?” 

 

I sighed, “yes, if your ass isn't here in less than 5 minutes you'll be enjoying the rest of your fucking short life at the southern outpost.Got it?”

 

“Got it, be right there.”

 

I had to get to the bottom of what was happening with y/n. Which fuckwad had put her on custodial duty in the fucking basement? Where was she sleeping? Where should we move her for her safety? And most importantly, who were the fuckity fucking monsters that were harassing her, and how should we punish them?

 

Soon, I heard a knock, just under 4 minutes, good fucking job, Simon.

 

Opening the door, I stepped back, letting Simon enter the room. He stepped towards my desk, looking at me for fucking permission to sit.

 

“Sit.” I went around and sat in my chair, leaning back a bit.

 

“So, why the urgency, Negan?”

 

“Y/N, I need some fucking info on who are the shitheads that assigned her the shittiest job available in the Sanctuary?”

 

“Well, that would be…” Simon cleared his throat “Either myself, Dwight or Franklin.”

 

“So, who the fuck was it? Was your little 'mmmhhmmm’ your way of saying you are said shithead?”

 

He looked over the desk at me, his hands fidgeting. “Uh, no, not me. I'm pretty sure it was Franklin. But sir, I don't think anyone knew at that point that the girl was mute. She seemed capable enough.”

 

I closed my eyes, trying to fucking keep my cool. “Capable enough? What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

I could Simon shifting in his seat, nervous. Good. “Well, I guess, cause she didn't argue when we gave them their assignments. Most people put up a bit of a fuss. When she didn't we figured all was fucking a'ok with 'er.”

 

“So that made her 'capable’” Dear fuck, I used those fucking air quotes, but I was fucking done with incompetence. 

 

“Okay, just chalk this up to another fucking job I have to take over. Next, find her a room, alone.” 

 

“We don't have many single rooms, 'cept maybe downstairs there could be one.”

 

I squinted, “Downstairs? As in the fucking basement where Dwight and his merry team of fucktwats are? Yeah, you set that up right now, perfect fucking place for a tiny girl, who can't communicate, who's scared of her own fucking shadow. Just the fucking ticket, Simon! Get right on that shit.” 

 

I was fucking fuming. 

 

“Uh, yeah, well there is a room, locks and all. But uh…”

 

“Fucking spit it out Simon!”

 

“It's your private room”

 

Fuckity fuck. I had a room made up for my wives and I to have a little fucking private fuckfests. I hated them in my main room. And fuck, whenever I tried screwing them in their bedrooms, invariably one of the others would come a knocking, looking for a little of their own Negan time.

 

I let out a breath that I had been holding in. “Okay, clean it up. Make it look nice, not like it's a room for fucking. Make it her’s.”

 

Simon tipped his head at me. “You sure boss? I mean you were pretty adamant about having that separate room for your wives.”

 

“Did I stutter Simon? Yes, I'm fucking sure. And after you're done with that I have another thing we have to fucking handle. Get that room done this afternoon, including moving her things in. Let me know when that fuckers done. Got it?”

 

“Got it, Negan.”

 

I stood, waiting for Simon to stand. “Get on it.” 

 

He hesitated, turning to look at me with a questioning look. 

 

“Out with it Simon.”

 

“I'm not trying to beat a dead horse, but why all this,” he gestured with his hands, “for this girl? We've had plenty of odd females make their way through the Sanctuary doors and you haven't given them a fucking glance. Why her?”

 

“Cant say I even fucking know myself, man.But there is something there, something about her. But even without my fucking strange attraction, the way she was, is, being treated is fucking deplorable. And I need to get to the bottom of it. Okay?”

 

“Okay, I'll get on fixing up her room.” 

 

As Simon walked out, closing the door, I walked over to my bed. Lying down, boots and all, I was too old for all of this shit. I must have fallen asleep because I was suddenly awakened by doll, standing by my bed, big eyes looking at me like she'd seen a fucking ghost. She turned and started to run out of the room. 

 

“Sweetheart, y/n, don't go, it's okay, I'm not mad!” Surprisingly, she stopped, turning hesitantly to look up at me, then glancing back down at her clasped hands.

 

“Did Joseph let you in here to clean? I know he said you were pretty upset you couldn't fucking finish.”

 

She looked back up at me, nodding her head yes. Fuck, she looked so scared. Jesus what exactly had happened to her?!

 

“I tell you what, I have to take a shower, why don't you finish up your cleaning and I'll be out of your way. But if you need anything at all, just knock on the door, okay?” I slowly moved towards her, wanting to lock the door behind her. As I neared her, she quickly wrapped her arms around herself and started whimpering, her eyes darting around looking for a quick escape.

 

“Oh fuck, sweetheart, I'm not gonna touch you. I just wanted to lock the door so we won't have any unwanted fuckheads entering unannounced.” Mostly, I was concerned about my wives.

 

She started shaking her head, quickly moving towards the door. Without thinking, I reached out, grabbing her arm to stop her from leaving. She swung around, her right fist connecting with my cheek. 

 

“Jesus, fuck! Shit, you've got a damn right hook there doll” I was rubbing the spot now. “You fucking hit better than most men!”

 

I figured she'd run, but she actually stood there, glaring at me. “If looks could fucking kill, doll, I reckon I'd be fucking dead, huh?” I snickered, still running my fingers over my cheek, feeling it beginning to swell.

 

“Well, I've got to go take my shower, maybe splash some fucking cold water on this. You just do your thing, and we'll keep the door unlocked, okay?” It hadn't fucking dawned on me that she might think I was locking her in, not locking someone out. “And doll, I'm fucking sorry I scared you, that wasn't my intention.”

 

She looked at me, nodding once again. She seemed to have lost the death glare, but was far from relaxed. Smiling at her, I went to my bathroom, shutting the door. 

 

When I was finished, I came into the room, surprised, and a touch disappointed to see y/n was nowhere to be seen. I was hoping to talk with her, see if I could get her to fucking trust me. 

 

Grabbing a clean tee out of my closet, I sat on the edge of my bed, thinking. Why is she so scared? What happened to her exactly? How could she survive in such a fucked up world? Why do I fucking care so much?

 

I didn't even notice that she had somehow reappeared, right in front of me, making me jump.

 

“Good fucking god doll, are some sort of fucking ninja?! You're going to give an old man a heart attack.” 

 

Did she just fucking giggle?! 

 

She came closer, extremely close, she sat next to me on the bed. I didn't dare move, even a fucking fraction of an inch. She looked up at my, holding her hand out with what looked like an ice pack. 

 

“For me, doll?” 

 

Nodding her head, she brought it up to my cheek, placing it gently there, holding it. 

 

Taking a chance, I turned my face just enough to take in her face. She seemed so into holding the pack on my face, I'm not sure she even noticed me staring. She had y/e/c eyes, so bright and beautiful. Her features were so fine, like a doll. Her y/h/c hair was long, but she wore it up, it was shiny, silky, my fingers itching to touch, run through it. Her lips, soft, so red without the benefit of lipstick. 

 

When I came back around to her eyes, I realized she was looking back at me, not with a frightened look, but I could have fucking swear she was smirking. 

 

“Caught me, sweetheart.” Winking at her, she didn't look away, her gaze still meeting mine. “So, does my face look any better? You really nailed me darling!”

 

Shifting her gaze to the ice pack, she pulled it off, investigating the bump. I couldn't help the involuntary flinch when her soft fingers touched my face. She pulled back, but I don't think from fear. She stood up, glancing around the room as if searching for me something.

 

“Do you need something?” I asked.

 

She walked over to my desk, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, tipping her head sideways. 

 

“Sure, be my guest.”

 

She started writing something, then walking back over, handing it to me.

 

I took it, realizing that I hadn't even thought of asking her if she communicated this way. Fucking stupid of me. 

 

Mr. Negan, I'm very sorry for the punch, it doesnt look as bad as I'm sure it probably feels. :(   
Thank you also, for letting me work upstairs. I didn't want to complain, but downstairs, well, it's just not a good…fit for me.  
You're very kind to me, and I so appreciate it. Most people, men, are not so kind.   
I'll leave you now, and again, sorry!

 

Y/N Y/L/N

 

She started towards the door, picking up some of her cleaning supplies. She turned to smile at me. She did something with her hand, her fingers. 

 

I stood up, walking to her. “Sign language? What was that sign, can you show me?” 

 

She grinned, taking my hand, placing my fingertips on my lips, then moving my hand down a bit, pointing towards her. Then she moved my hand to the side of my face, making my fingers fold down to my palm, kind of like a little child waving. 

 

“Oh, fuck! I get it, it's goodbye, right? But whats the finger kissing part?” 

 

Smiling, she mouthed, thank you. 

 

“Well, I think I should be thanking you, doll. My room has never looked better! And thank you,” I tried signing at the same time, “for teaching those signs. Maybe you could teach me more.” 

 

She nodded, then turned to leave, as I opened the door, stepping aside to let her through, Simon appeared.

 

“Rooms all set, Negan.” He looked at y/n, an awkward smile on his face.

 

“Good timing. Thanks.”

 

“Didn't you have something else to discuss with me?”

 

“Not now, I'll call you when I'm ready. Just go along your merry fucking way.” He was grating on my fucking nerves. 

 

“Okay, I'll be around. Goodbye miss.” He nodded at y/n. 

 

Smiling at Simon, she looked back to me. I could swear her fucking smile grew. 

 

“So, I have got a little surprise for you, sweetheart, it's kinda a perk that comes with the new job.” 

 

She looked a bit confused, but still smiled. She followed me down the hallway to her new room. 

 

I noticed the door was open, thinking Simon just left it that way.

 

As I stepped inside, about to signal her to enter, I realized one of the Saviors was still working on putting some new curtains up. He turned around, stepping down of the ladder.

 

“Oh, sir, sorry, just finishing the curtains. Hope everything's okay?”

 

Just as he began talking, I heard doll, make an almost squeaking sound. When I turned around, she was over halfway down the hall. 

 

Turning back to look at Tad, I saw a look of fucking shock on his face.

 

And I knew why.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan finds y/n in her secret hiding place. But she's not alone.

I wanted to chase after y/n, ask her why she was obviously scared as fuck. I wanted her to know she was safe, I was here to protect her. But I needed to take care of something first.

"Well," I stepped closer to Tad "what's with the shocked face, Tad? You look like you saw a fucking mouse." I placed my hand down on his shoulder, grasping tightly. "Did you see a fucking mouse, Tad? Y/N certain-fucking-ly saw something. Best be getting rid of any trace of fucking vermin before that sweet doll moves in. Any ideas on how to fucking do that, Tad? Mmmhmm?"

"Uh, I'm uh, not sure what I saw, sir. Maybe I heard something?" I could see the fucking sweat beading on the fuckface's head. “Well, if uh, you don't need me, I'll be uh, heading out.” He started to move around me, heading towards the door.

I grabbed his upper arm, yanking him backwards towards the bed, the back of his knees hitting the mattress causing him to land back onto the bed. 

“You're not fucking going anywhere. Stay fucking there, move an inch and I'll know, got it?”

He nodded, his fucking big eyes never leaving mine. 

I stepped into the hallway, leaning on the wall across from the door, keeping an eye on the shithead. Picking my radio off my waist, I pushed the call button. “Simon, I need you back up to the new room, fucking NOW!”

“Okay, boss, I'm in the garage, I'll be there as quick as possible.”

I stood there, tapping my boot, my hand clasping, unclasping, needing, more like wanting, to feel Lucille in my grasp. Fuck it! Where the fuck was Simon?!!! 

I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts and questions rolling through my mind. What exactly had happened to y/n? What did those fuckers do to her? Who, besides the fucker sitting in her room, were they? How many? How did this happen? Why didn't any stop it? Whatever exactly “it” was. And that thought scared the fuck out of me. 

I thought I had made my fucking Sanctuary rules pretty damn clear. Most fucking especially the one where we don't rape women. I'm not even fucking sure that's what went down with y/n, but I'm pretty fucking sure. Shit, even if they touched her without her consent I'll fucking flip. 

I looked up just in time to see Simon jogging down the hall. 

“So, what's up, boss? Sounded fucking urgent.” 

I stepped away from the wall, moving closer to Simon but still in view of the fucker sitting on the bed.

“So, Tad,” I gestured towards him. “you left him putting curtains up or some shit. Well, when y/n and I stepped into the room she fucking flipped, hightailing it out. And Tad, well, let's just say you would see a less guilty face on death fucking row. As much as I want to serve justice right fucking now, we need to know what went down exactly. Who was involved, when, where, all that fucking shit. And I need to find doll.” I let out a deep breath, fucking hope she was okay.

“So what should I do with him? Cell, for now?” Simon glanced in at him, grimacing. “Kinda thought he was a shady fucker.”

I raised my brows, “And you didn't feel that was necessary information to fucking share?”

“Honestly, no. I was keeping an eye on him, thought he might be more the type to have sticky fingers, not a sticky dick.”

“What?!”

“Nothing. Let me grab the shithead.” He shook his head at me.

“I'm going to find doll. I want you to discreetly inquire about what exactly went on with y/n. And get back to me.”

I patted him on the shoulder, glancing quickly at the fucker. I wanted to take care of him, now. But I need to find y/n. 

I headed down to the cafeteria, no doll. No luck in the kitchen, the warehouse, the commissary. Then I remembered where I first saw her and headed towards the schoolroom. I stepped inside, my eyes scanning the whole room, no y/n.

“Are you looking for y/n, sir?” 

I turned to look at who spoke. “Uh, no, well yes. You wouldn't happen to know where she is would you?” 

“She stopped by to say she wouldn't be able to make it in to help the kids today, then she ran out of here quick as a bunny. I have never seen her so nervous, so scared. And that's saying a lot.” She shook her head. 

“She didn't happen to say why she couldn't help did she, maybe say where she was going?” I doubted she would have, but a man could fucking hope. 

“I'm afraid not, she just quickly handed me the note and turned and ran. I'm sorry sir. If I do see hear, would you like me to let her know you're looking for her?”

I shook my head. “No, that's okay, thank you.” I turned to leave. 

“You have a nice day, sir.” She waved goodbye.

I waved back. “You too.” Where the fuck are you doll?!

Where would someone go when they were fucking frightened to fucking death? The Sanctuary was fucking huge, yes. But most places were off limits or just hard to gain access to. Which would probably be where y/n would go.

In the back of the main building just off of the loading docks are old offices, dust filled, fucking smells from god knows what and most certainly inhabited by fucking wildlife. As I stepped into the debris littered hallway I looked down noticing tiny footsteps in the dirt and dust. Jesus fuck, doll, this isn't a safe haven. 

Trying to be as fucking quiet as my boots would allow, I followed the trail of footsteps, which led to a room almost at the end of the hallway. I stopped quickly when I heard a sound, vibration, no, humming?

Making my way towards the sound, I peeked my head around the door to see a very strange sight. Y/N was sitting on the floor, surrounded by various fucking wildlife, squirrels, rabbits, a fawn?! And birds were perching on the open window sills, one small black one was sitting on doll’s shoulder as she feed him something. 

I couldn't even fucking speak. Yeah, I was in shock, what the fuck is this?! Some weird ass Disney movie come to life?! But doll, she was smiling, one of those natural ear to ear ones, the kind that takes your breath away. 

And the humming was coming from her, she was humming to the odd menagerie that encircled her. They were as entranced by her as I was. 

“Boss, you there?” 

Fuckity fuck, my radio! 

I tried to back up so as to not disturb y/n, but I tripped over some fucking discarded trash, falling backwards right on my ass. “Fuck!” 

I couldn't see into the room but I heard what I assumed was the herd tucking tail out of there. I was expecting she was going to be fucking pissed at me. But what I didn't expect her to be standing over me, a silent laugh showing on her face. 

“Think I'm fucking funny, huh doll?” I grinned up at her.

She covered her mouth, as if she was trying to quiet herself. She offered a hand to me. “Thanks.” I took ahold of it, standing up beside her. Still holding her hand, I brought my other hand to it, rubbing it between them.

“Jesus, your hand is frozen!” I let go of her hand, placing my hands on her bare upper arms, rubbing gently. “Your whole body is cold, doll. Don't you have a sweater or a jacket sweetheart? If you're going to spend time in here with your little zoo, you need to fucking dress for it.” 

She looked up at me, a confused look on her face. She pulled back from me, reaching into her pants and pulling out a pen and piece of wrinkled paper. Placing the paper against the wall, she jotted something down. When she was finished, she put the pen back into her pocket, then handed me the paper.

I took it, reading the words. 

I hope you aren't too upset with me. I figured no one came out here so they would be safe. I always clean up after them, and use my points only. They are my friends.

How could I deny doll what obviously comforted her? She came here when she was scared shitless by a fuckwad that most certainly hurt her in some unwarranted way. This must be a safe place for her. 

When I looked up from paper, she was gone. I moved to the doorway and saw her standing in one of the open windows, a black bird eating something out of her small hand.

Moving closer, I could see that it must have been a baby, it's feathers more fuzzy than slick. 

“Y/N? What kind of bird is that? Is it a baby?” I spoke quietly not wanting to spook either girl nor bird. 

She jiggled her arm, the bird taking a cue and hopping up her arm to her shoulder. She signaled to the paper, pulling her pen out. Taking it, she wrote.

“A raven, wow, must be a baby, huh? That fucker is tiny.” I smiled at her. “He's friendly, or is that just with you, doll?”

She took my hand, startling me. She put some bread crumbs in my palm, guiding it up to her shoulder. The raven hopped over onto my wrist, eating the bread right away. I brought my arm down between y/n and I, watching how he kept one eye on her at all times.

“The little fuck thinks your momma, doesn't he? And he's like fucking house trained or what the fuck ever, right? I don't need him shitting on me.”

Her face just lit up with the most fucking beautiful smile. 

“Laughing at me again, sweetheart? Yeah, I'm kinda of a funny fucker at times.” 

The bird hopped back over to y/n’s arm, quickly making its’ way to her shoulder, hiding in her loose hair. 

Seeing her smiling, seeming so happy, I hesitated bringing up why I was looking for her.

“Y/N, I'm sure you know why I was searching for you. We need to talk about it.” I tensed up, my muscles ready for any movement, any attempt at escape from her. But the only show of moving was one tiny hand reaching up to delicately stroke the baby bird’s downy feathers. Her eyes never leaving the floor.

“I'm sorry sweetheart, I know you don't want to think about it, just want to fucking forget it. But they need to be punished. And I want to make sure no one hurts you again. I want to keep you safe, doll.”

Her eyes darted up to mine, those eyes, such a beautiful shade of y/e/c, but so much sadness, so fucking lost and alone. Fuck sweetheart, I will take care of you.

She made a sign with her hands, a gesture aimed more for herself than for me. She let out a big sigh, one hand still patting the bird.

“I tell you what, why don't you come with me, have something to eat, get a good night’s sleep, then tomorrow we'll talk. Sound good?” I moved towards the door hoping she would follow. When she didn't, I got a fucking idea. “And bring your little friend. You can share just how your fucking zoo came to be.” 

A big smile appeared on her face as she quickly approached me. Signing thank you, which I remembered from earlier, she raised up on her toes, placing a tiny peck on my cheek. 

I took a fucking chance, offering her my hand, and she didn't hesitate, intertwining her small fingers with mine. 

I dreaded what was to fucking come tomorrow. I have been witness to all kinds of fucking depraved acts since the fucking end. But the worse where when it involved the loss of innocence. Those fuckers will pay. And y/n will never experience pain like that again in her lifetime, not if I have anything to say about it.

But tonight I want her to relax a bit, no fear, no loneliness. I don't know why I feel the need to be fucking near her, why I want to know everything about her. I'm drawn to her in a way I've only experienced one before, a lifetime ago.

I know I'm no good for her. She's pure, I'm fucking tainted. She's gentle, kind, I'm ruthless, rough. But as long as I can, I am going to bask in her unblemished innocent soul. As long as she'll have me.


	4. Beautiful Whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan gets closer to reader

As we made our way upstairs, I watched as she interacted with the bird, it was almost as if they were communicating. I don't know, maybe they fucking were. Two little lost souls in a fucked up world. A world where only the strong can truly survive intact, others either losing their lives, mind, souls. 

The little fucker was making little chirp like sounds at y/n, she was petting his head and feet, just glancing over at him. She was still holding on tightly to my hand, no inclination to let go. It felt more like a father holding his scared little girl’s hand. I wasn't sure I was fucking okay with that. I have six super hot wives just waiting for me, at my fucking beck and call. Why would I even entertain the thought of y/n being with me? Why the fuck would someone so innocent even think of being with a man like me. I'm sure it hasn't even crossed her sweet mind.

As we reached the freight elevator, I pushed the button, doll still holding on. 

“I want you to stay in my room tonight, your new room is not quite fucking finished. Okay?” I was hoping she would nod approval, but no such luck.

She began shaking her head no, letting go of my hand. And slowly backing away. 

“Whoa, whoa, nothing fucking funny sweetheart, I promise! I just want you safe, I'll be on the couch, you'll be in my bed. I promise.” I moved towards her very slowly, carefully taking ahold of her chin, tilting her face upward. “Do you trust me?” I watched her eyes move from mine, downward, then back up again, I thought a look of trust in them.

She nodded her head, the best she could with my hand still holding her chin. 

The elevator door opened and I let go to place my hand on her back, leading her into the dirty old box, pushing the up switch. Sighing, I leaned against the back wall, closing my eyes. Why was I spending my already beyond fucking stretched time trying to mend this little broken girl? 

I was surprised out of my thoughts by y/n taking my hand. Looking down at her, she was paying attention to that damn bird, not even a glimpse in my direction. 

“You okay there sweetheart?”

Turning her head in my direction, she just smiled. 

Guess she just likes holding this old fucker’s hand.

As the elevator door opened on the floor, I signaled her to step out. She did, the grip on my hand never wavering. 

I wasn't really paying attention because I walked right into her, almost sending her to the floor.

“Jesus doll! I almost fucking took you out!” I had snaked my free arm around her front, pulling her back into me. Just as I spoke, I heard the little bird making a loud squeak and felt y/n trying to yank out of my arm. 

When I slammed into y/n, it sent the bird flying, more like fucking falling, down to the floor, onto Sherry’s feet.

“What the?!!! Negan! Kill it!!!” She started to kick out, causing doll to freak out, quickly scooping it up, checking it over for injuries. 

“For fuck’s sake, Sherry, it's just a fucking bird!” 

Rolling her eyes, she snapped back. “I can see that Negan, but it doesn't belong here! And it tried to attack me!” She was now staring at y/n, her eyes raking over her.

“Who's this? New toy, Negan?”

I ignored Sherry, bending down to check on y/n and the little bird. 

“Is it okay sweetheart?” She wouldn't look at me, to caught up in checking her little friend.

Stomping her foot like a fucking child, Sherry spoke up . “Are you ignoring me Negan?” 

Fuck this! 

Standing back up, moving right into her space, my eyes never leaving her’s, I answered. “Sherry, you need to take your ass back to your quarters RIGHT NOW, I will NOT be repeating myself.”

Trying her fucking best to defy me, she gave up, turning on her heels, uttering a loud “hmmph!” And storming off.

Shaking my head, I crouched down again by y/n, she was now sitting, her legs drawn up underneath her, clutching the little fucker in her hands, humming to it.

“Is it okay?” I asked her, hoping she would somehow respond.

Lifting her head to look at me, I could see the tears. But she smiled a bit, lifting her hands a bit, showing me the bird. He was busy eating something that looked like old fruit. 

Fuck, it's okay. Not sure how she would have handled it if something had fucking happened to it. 

I stood up. “Let’s go get settled in. I'll get Simon or D to get us something to eat okay sweetheart?” I offered my hand.

She looked hesitant, then slowly took it. As I helped her up, her free hand bringing the creature tightly to her chest, I noticed scars all over he arms. Burns, scratch marks of some sort. I wanted to ask, needing to know what they were, who had done this to her. But I promised her a nice restful night and that's what she was going to get. 

When we entered my room, I made my way to the bathroom, turning as I entered it and seeing doll still standing where I left her, by the door, looking fucking scared as shit. 

I sighed, what the fuck is it going to take for her to trust me?! I walked back over, stopping a few feet from her. 

“Sweetheart, make yourself at home. I've just got to take a piss and I'll be right back.” I motioned to the sofa and chairs and watched as she carefully stepped around me towards the sofa, I could see her eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. 

I quickly went to the bathroom, not wanting to leave her by herself too long, afraid she might fucking bolt. I hate that she's still so afraid of me. I guess only time will help her trust. 

I slowly opened the bathroom door. Stepping out I see her sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. She had the bird on the table, it was hopping back and forth while y/n moved her fingers. It looked like some kind of game of fucking bird tag. But what made me smile, was doll, she looked happy, at ease. This was what she was probably like before everything, before the end, before…

I made my way over to my desk, she glanced over at me, quickly picking up the bird and placing it on her shoulder. She climbed back on the sofa, sitting up straight, hardly moving. 

“Hungry doll? I'm going to call down for some food. Anything in particular you'd fucking enjoy?”

She stood up, her hand going to the bird to make sure he didn't fucking fall. She then made her way over to my desk, scanning over it. 

I grabbed some paper and a pen, handing it to her. She then signed thank you. As she began writing something, I sat in my chair, covertly eyeing her. She was graceful, like one of those ballet dancers. Every movement precise, as if it was rehearsed. She didn't belong in this world, I guess no one really fucking does. But something, someone, as beautiful as her, she's just so out of place here. She snapped me out of my thoughts when she placed the paper delicately in front of me.

_Thank you for the offer of dinner. Could you possibly ask for some berries or fruit? It need not be fresh. Maybe some leftover meats? Just not anything too processed. Nuts would be okay too.  
And thank you, for being so kind to someone like me. I'm sorry for letting my little friend on your table, he didn't do anything, I promise. You're a very kind man Negan. _

Old fucking fruit? Leftover meat? I was about to ask what the fuck when it hit me. She wasn't asking for herself, she was asking for the bird. And she was going to give up eating herself for the fucker. Jesus. 

I was about to confront her about it when I decided against it. I was just going to order plenty of food for all of us, the little feathered fucker included. 

“Okay doll, fruit, meat, nuts, got it.”

I grabbed my radio and stepped out into the hall. When I was finished and starting back into my room, I was grabbed from behind. Startled, I swung my arm, latching on to whoever thought it was a good fucking idea to sneak up on me. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Sherry! What the hell?!” I let go of her with a push. 

“I could say the same thing Negan. Who is she?” She shifted herself to try to see into the room around me. I moved just enough to block her.

“That is none of your damn business, my wife. So move your pretty ass back to your room.” I turned to step into my room, about to close the door when a heeled foot stopped me.

“What the fuck?! Are you out of your mind?!” I attempted to push her back out but she was able to fucking dodge me.

She strode right over to doll, who was sitting on the sofa, bird in hand. 

“Hello, I'm Sherry. And you are?” 

Y/N looked like a deer in headlights looking from Sherry to me. 

“Cat got your tongue?” Sherry quipped. 

I quickly made my way to Sherry, grabbing her upper arm and dragging her out, giving y/n a nod and a smile. She looked in shock. Fuck 

“Let go Negan, you're hurting me!” Sherry was pulling against my grasp, trying to stay put.

I growled at her through my teeth, hoping doll wouldn't hear me. 

“You need to shut the fuck up and go back to your room NOW! I am not shittin’ here Sherry, and I WILL NOT repeat myself, got it?!” 

She scoffed, turned on her heels and stormed out. 

Letting out a deep breath, I turned to see y/n still sitting still, her eyes as big as fucking saucers, the bird tucked into her. 

“I'm sorry you had to see that sweetheart.” I sat down on the table. “You know Sherry, right? She's one of my… “ I don't know why, but I hesitated saying ‘wife’ I'm sure y/n knew about them, but it was making me feel uncomfortable, like I was a deviant in the presence of all that's pure. 

She nodded her head, letting me off the hook on finishing my sentence. I stood as a knock came.

I stood up to open the door, stepping back to let Dwight in with the large tray of food. 

“Just place it on the table.” I pointed to the table in front of y/n. 

I turned to face her. “I'll be right outside the door, help yourself to anything there, okay?” She nodded slightly.

I followed D out into the hallway, closing the door behind me. “So, do we have the fuckers, all of them?”

“We have 4 right now, but Simon thinks there's more. He wants you to question them, obviously we’ll get more out of them from you.” 

“Okay, I'll be down either later tonight or in the morning.” I sighed, rubbing my chin. “I need you to talk to Sherry, she, and the others, need to stay in their fucking quarters. I'm sick of always fucking tripping over them. Okay?”

“Yes, got it. I'll let Simon know of the plans. Night boss.”

“Night D.” 

I stepped back inside to see y/n gently feeding the feathered fucker a berry of some sort. I walked over, sitting in the chair across from her, watching her graceful movements. 

Picking up a roll, I popped in my mouth. She must have sensed me staring as she looked up at me, a tiny delicate smile pulling her lips up.

“You've gotta eat yourself doll, there's plenty for everyone. Those rolls are good, and hey, look, how about some stew, at least I think that's what that shit is, hmm.” 

She picked up a roll, taking a small bite, keeping an eye on the bird and me. I put some of the stew into a bowl, offering it to her. She shook her head no, but I kept insisting, her finally giving in. 

“So, how did you come across your fucking furry, and feathered, menagerie?” I was eating the “stew” also, wasn't half fucking bad. 

She stopped eating, putting her bowl down and picking up the piece of paper and pen sitting next to the tray. I watched her, every movement. She began writing the little bird nipping at the end of the pen, making her giggle. When she had finished she handed me the paper.

_One night while I was cleaning, I heard a loud crash coming from just outside. When I went to investigate it, I saw paw prints leading down the hallway. I found a tiny fox huddled in a corner. I had a package of crackers in my pocket and the little bugger fished them out eating them packaging and all. I started coming each evening, just before I was to go to work._  
Each night different creatures would visit. I've fed foxes, raccoons, squirrels, chipmunks, rabbits, opossums, deer, and many birds.   
I'm sure it's against the Sanctuary rules, and for that I am sorry. But they are so much like myself, lost, alone… scared. And they understand me as much as I understand them. But I will stop feeding them. 

Fuck. What do I say to that? I knew what I shouldn't say, but I didn't give a fuck. 

“You'll do no such thing. You will keep feeding your furry fucking friends, and I will pay. No more using points that should be used for your meals, you're too thin as it is, dollface. Fuck, maybe you could bring the kids to help you, kinda like some kind of fucking apocalyptic zoo.” I looked over at her, seeing a little upturn of her sweet lips. 

She signed thank you, at least 3 times, standing up and moving around the table towards me, the little feathered fucker perched on her shoulder. When she reached me, she leaned down close to me. I wasn't sure what she was going to do but I didn't dare move, afraid I could spook her. 

She moved her face right up to my head, by my ear. And then I heard it, the fucking quietest whispered “thank you, Negan, so very much.” 

She spoke. To me.


	5. You Don't Own Her

She turned, starting to head towards the door.

“Doll!” I stood up quickly, I needed to stop her before she headed out the door. I knew it would probably be a fucking mistake but I had to prevent her from leaving. I grabbed her arm, as gently as I could, but she still freaked. But her reaction was not at all what I was expecting, she didn't slap or punch me, she didn't try to pull away. No, she just froze, as still as a fuckng statue. And began to shake.

I had fucked up again.

Letting go of her, I stepped around in front, between her body and the door. Looking at her face I could see the fucking utter fear. Her eyes shut tight, biting her lips, heavy breathing. The little bird had tucked itself under her chin, hiding the best it could behind her hair.

“Sweetheart?” I bent down a bit, becoming more at her level. “I'm so sorry, I didn't want to scare you, I just didn’t want you to leave.”

She opened her eyes, just a bit, peeking up at me. The little feathered fucker also peeked its head up at me.   
  
“Where did you want to go?” I spoke softly, not wanting to fucking spook her again.

She looked at me, then started moving her hands around, I guess trying to fucking sign to me. She sighed, I guess realizing I didn't have a fucking clue what she was “saying”. She made another gesture, like pulling a handle, then it hit me.

“Bathroom? Is that what you need?” I was kinda excited I fucking figured it out.

She nodded her head and a hint of a smile appeared.

“Well doll, you can just use mine! Right over there!” I pointed to it, and then added. “It has a lock.”

She looked at me hesitantly, but when I smiled, she smiled back and turned to go into the bathroom. I heard the click of the lock, I was hoping that would help her feel safer. I went and sat back on my couch, trying to figure out my next move with those fuckers we now had in the cells. No matter what the fucking punishment it wouldn't be enough for what they did to her. _Fuck_ , I'm not even sure what it is they did. But the fact that she is beyond scared shitless of everything and that she is such a harmless little thing, whatever they did was enough for me to want to fuck them over.

She stepped out of the bathroom looking a bit less scared. I stood up, walking over to the bed.

“Now you are sleeping here tonight, clean sheets and everything. Now I'll take a couch…”

She began heading towards the door. Fuck this.

I caught her, causing her to make a squeaking sound and try to pull away.

“Listen doll, I understand you're scared, I fucking do. But I'm not going to hurt you. You've got to see that by now.” I hated talking to her roughly, but it had to be fucking done.

She stopped struggling, just looking up at me with those breathtaking big eyes. And she nodded her agreement.

“So, is the little feather fella sleeping with you? Or do we need to make him his own nest? I think I've got somethings we could use for the fucker.” I went over to one of my shelves, pulling down a basket. “We can just put something in here, little dude might like it!”

Placing the basket on the bed next to doll I continued on into the bathroom to grab a towel. As I stepped out into the room, y/n was taking her outer shirt off, making the tee she had on underneath lift up, exposing her back. A back littered with scars, some fresh. Fuck! I sucked in a breath loudly, hoping she didn't hear me.

Clearing my throat, she quickly pulled her top down, standing up and turning to face me. She placed the top she had taken off into the basket, patting it down.

“I brought out a couple of um… towels, we could put them in the box first, maybe and um put your shirt on top. Whatta ya think doll?” I was fucking nervous she’d realize I saw her back and bolt again. But she gave me a small smile and nodded her head yes.

She pulled her shirt out of the box, letting me place the folded towels in there.

“There you go sweetheart, now put your top in there. I'm sure the little fucker will love it.”

She carefully placed her top in on top of the blankets, the bird was hopping up and down her arm, like it knew what she was doing. When she was finished, she patted her shirt and the fucker jumped down into the basket, pecking at the shirt, fluffing it up, turning itself around. Looking at y/n’s face I saw the biggest smile, almost a laugh. Her whole face lit up. She was stunning, really. A silent breathtaking beauty in an all too fucking loud and ugly place.

“He likes it doll!” She looked up at me, that gorgeous smile still in place. She yawned, covering her mouth, a silent giggle escaping.

“Time for you to get some fucking sleep too sweetheart. I'm not sure what you usually sleep in, but I can give you one of my tees and a pair of sweats?” I made my way over to the dresser I kept my clothes in, looking over to her.

She nodded her head yes, as she stood up she picked up the basket with her feathered friend, carrying it over to me. She stood a safe distance from me, so ever cautious. I pulled out one of my white tees and a pair of old sweatpants.

“You'll be fuckin’ swimming in them, but they're just for sleeping in, right?” I laughed as I handed them to her. She struggled with taking them as she had her hands full what with holding the basket.

“Sweetheart, you can just leave the little fella out here with me, he'll be safe, I promise.” She looked at me very hesitantly, then slowly handed the basket to me, her eyes never leaving mine. I took the basket gently, as if she'd handy me a bomb, carefully taking myself and the precious cargo over to sit on a sofa.

“We’ll be waiting here for you doll, take your time! I know it takes you gals forever and a fucking day to get ready for bed.” I laughed, but quickly stopped when I realized y/n was just glaring at me. I was about to apologize when I saw a hint of a smile creep onto her face. She rolled her eyes, turned and strode into the bathroom.

Maybe she's getting used to this old fucker.

I looked down in the basket at the bird, fuck if he wasn't looking back at me! His head tipped, one fucking beady eye staring at me, Jesus, he's kinda fucking creepin’ me out.

“Hey little feather fucker, how ya doing? Like your little bed? I kinda helped your mom put it together. That's my basket and my towels.” I placed my hand on the edge of the basket, thinking he might hop onto my arm like he does with y/n. But nope, I fucking thought wrong when he pecked me. Hard.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! SHIT!!!!” I jumped up, falling over the table, right on my fucking ass. I stood up just as doll came out of the bathroom. We both looked over to where the tiny shitter was, only to realize he was missing.

A look of panic came over doll’s face as she quickly scanned the room. Rushing over, stepping carefully, she got down on her hands and knees, peeking under the sofa, tables and chairs. She sat back on her ankles, looking up at me, a lone tear slipping down her cheek.

“Fuck, sweetheart, I'm sorry! I tiptoed over to my bed, getting down to look under it. I lifted the bedspread expecting to just find nothing, maybe a fucking dust bunny or two. But what I didn't expect was a full on attack of beak, feathers and talons.

I closed my eyes, trying to reach forward and grab the little feathered asshole. But every time I would grab at him, he would back away. With my eyes still closed, I didn't notice doll had crawled over beside me, carefully nabbing the little fucker and placing him gently on her shoulder.

Finally able to open my eyes, I sat back, watching her interact with the bird. She was tapping his beak, a look of disappointment on her face. Turning, her eyes grew as she took me in.

“Do I look that shitty dollface?” I laughed, wiping a bit of blood off of my knuckles.

She scooched herself closer to me, her hand touching my face, making me flinch when I felt a sharp pain. She drew her hand back, standing up and moving around the bed.

  
I stood up, moving over towards the sofa to pick up the fallen basket. Fixing the towel and y/n’s shirt, I was startled when she came over and sat by me. “Where'd you go sweetheart?”

She brought a damp cloth up to my face, her touch as light as air as she wiped my cheek.

“Does it look bad doll? Am I going to have a fucking fine scar? You know girls dig scars.” I laughed giving her a smirk. And she giggled, I actually heard a giggle. “You need to fucking do that more often sweet thing.”

She looked at me, confusion on her face.

“Your laugh, doll. You need to laugh more, it's like music to my ears, as fucking corny as it sounds.”

I could see a slight blush rising on her cheeks, as she smiled, quickly turning her face, busying herself with my feathered attacker.

I took a chance and carefully took her hand that was resting on her knee. She tried to pull away, but I gently kept my grip on her. She stopped pulling, looking up at me, and she smiled. She fucking smiled. As I held her hand I noticed how many scars were scattered all over it, the back, her wrist, even her fucking fingers. Her nails looked almost nonexistent, they were so short, so ragged looking. Fuckin’ fuck what she's been through.

No fucking more. This girl deserved to be safe, free from worry. Happy even. Not to always be looking over her shoulder wondering when the next blow would strike. I was drawn to her in a way that I'd never experienced before. And I would make sure that from this day forward she would be safe, happy, content.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by a loud knock on my door, causing both doll and me to jump.

I stood up, heading toward the door, smiling back at y/n.

“Who the fuck is it?” I asked before opening.

“It's me, boss.” Simon.

Opening it and stepping out into the hall, I realized he wasn't alone.

“Yes?”

“Is she in there?” The stranger was trying to get to my door but Simon was holding him back. I took in the stranger’s appearance, ragged dirty clothes and face, big enough, but looked like he hadn't had a good meal, or bath, in months.

“Who the fuck is this? And what does he want?” I ignored the filthy fucker, looking right at Simon.

Simon shifted his position, sighing. “He says he ‘owns’ y/n, she's his ‘property’ and he wants her back.”

“I **do** own the bitch and I want her!”

At this point, my teeth and fists clenched, I just wanted to throw this asshole down a flight of stairs. But I spoke calmly, leaning right in his face.

“I don't know who the fuck you are, and I don't care. Your ‘ownership’ of y/n doesn't fly here. She's a fucking person asswipe, you can't fucking own a person jackass.” I was fucking fuming. “Is he a Sanctuary member, Simon?”

“Yes, boss, works the motor pool.”

“Throw him with the others.” I knew Simon understood when he nodded his head.

Simon grabbed his arm, pulling him down the hall. Quickly, the fucker pulled free, running back towards me, making me move towards him instinctively protecting doll.

“You will not get away with this Negan! She's not only mine, there's more of us. We all own her!”

“NO ONE FUCKING OWNS HER!” I had now moved into his fucking personal space. This fucktwat was all kinds of fucked up fucking crazy.

“Get him the fuck away from me before Lucille makes an appearance. NOW!”

Simon got a better grip on him, dragging him unwillingly down the hall. I had to have a little fucking chat with Simon. Why the fuck had he brought that fucking lunatic anywhere near where y/n was.

Fuck! I completely forget y/n! Shit I hope she didn't hear any of that. I couldn't, wouldn't confront her with that craziness. For all I knew the fucker was off his crazy rocker.

I slowly opened the door, hoping upon hope that doll was oblivious to all the goings on. I let out a big sigh when I realized she was asleep on the couch, curled up, her little feathered friend perched on the sofa back, keeping watch over her. I wanted to pick her up and carry her to my bed to sleep. But I knew she would wake, and I wouldn't risk it. So I grabbed a blanket from my bed, placing it delicately over her tiny frame.

She whimpered, pulling her limbs closer together into a tight little ball. I carefully stepped backwards, not only not wanting to wake her, but I didn't want to feel the fucking wrath of her little feathered bodyguard. I sat in the chair across from her, just watching her sleep. How could anyone want to hurt someone so innocent, so fucking pure?

Fucking monsters, that's who, and they were going to fucking pay. I'm an angry vengeful man, but I have never wanted someone to pay for their fucking crimes as much I wanted those fuckers to pay. And I would enjoy every fucking minute of it.

 

  


	6. And I know you won't let me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan discovers he feels more than just friendship for the reader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of sweet smut right off the bat

_“Negan?”_

_I slowly opened my eyes to y/n standing right in front of me, speaking my name._

_“Doll, did you just speak?”_

_“Yes, I did. You know I do know how, I just choose not to. That's where the ‘selective’ comes in.” She gave me the biggest sly grin._

_She came closer, her knees now touching mine. “I just want to thank you, for everything. For looking out for me when no one else would. For listening to me when no else could. And most especially for taking care of those men…those monsters, for protecting me, Negan._

_Suddenly, she was straddling me, slowly sitting on my lap, bringing her hands up to either side of my face, holding on tightly. She then slammed her lips into mine in the most fucking heated, hot, kiss I have ever experienced. All tongue, nips, licks. I brought my hands up to grasp her ass, sure she would swat me away. But she didn't, she actually began grinding her ass into my now hard cock. Her hands trailing through my hair. The sounds coming from us, both obscene and yet, fucking beautiful._

_I wanted her so fucking badly but let her take the lead. She sat back, both of us groaning from the loss. Her hands reaching down to the hem of her top, grasping it tightly and pulling it upwards, so fucking slow. I watched her every movement, the pale skin of her stomach, littered with tiny scars. I sighed, reaching out to trace them, wishing she never had to endure what gave those to her._

_I sat transfixed as the shirt moved higher, up and over her more than ample breasts. Fuck, I could see her hardened nipples outlined in her silky bra. My hands moved slowly up towards them, hesitant to touch._

_As she pulled the tee over her head, throwing it to the floor, she looked down at me, her big eyes shining so bright._

_“May I?” I questioned her._

_“Yes, please do, Negan.” That voice, so beautiful, so delicate._

_I reached up, taking ahold of the cups and gently pulling them down, her tits bouncing free and causing my dick to fucking rapidly twitch. I leaned forward my mouth opening up to take in one nipple, my fingers reaching for the other. She began tapping me on my shoulder._

I jerked back in my seat, doll standing in front of me, fully clothed with a frightened look upon her sweet face.

_Fucking glorious dream. Shit!_

“Uh, what is it doll?” She pointed at the door just as a knock sounded. “Oh, okay, thank you sweetheart.” She gave me a sweet innocent smile.

_I'm a fucking old pervert._

I sighed standing up and walked to the door, trying to quickly adjust myself. I opened it to find Simon and Dwight. I stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.

“What do you gentleman need? And what the fuck time is it?” I ran my hand down my face wishing I was still dreaming.

Simon spoke. “It's 2:30. Um, the men we jailed, the ones that say they own the girl, they uh…”

“Spit it out man, I don't have all fucking night!”

“Yeah, I can, uh see that.” Simon’s eyes flashed downward. To the large bulge in my pants.

“Jesus fuck, Simon! Unless you're looking for a hookup keep your fucking eyes to yourself! And tell me what the fuck you were so eloquently trying to fucking say!” I was pissed. And fucking tired.

“Uh, yes, yes. They escaped.”

I was wide awake. “WHAT THE FUCK!” I grabbed Simon by his collar.

“Sir?”

Keeping my grip on Simon I glanced at Dwight. “What Dwight?!”

“We've got men searching inside and out of the Sanctuary. We've got men ready to go outside the gates the second you say so.”

I knew I needed to calm down, being as angry, as murderous as I was right now wouldn't fucking work. I needed to have my wits about me. For y/n.

I stepped away from Simon, leaning against the wall. I brought my hands up and covered my face. “Fuck!”

“Simon.”

“Anything Arat?”

“No, inside’s clean.”

“Fuck it. Get that group outside to walk the fences. The inside group needs to keep the fuck checking. If they fucking hightailed out of here, we aren't going to find them tonight, so we’ll wait until tomorrow.”

“Okay, that sounds good. And you?”

“I'm going back to bed. Dwight, get a couple fuckers to stay up here, patrolling this hall. I want someone at each entrance at all times. Someone needs to be outside my wives room, and tell them not to leave. And I want the elevator shut down. Got it?”

“Got it. Night boss.” Dwight took off down the hall. Simon stood staring at me with a face I couldn't fucking read.

“Yes, Simon? Can I fucking assist you in some way?” Why the fuck was he just hanging around and staring at me like some shithead?

“No, I'm good.”

“Good, I'm going back in my room. I don't want to be bothered because I am assuming my Saviors will not fuck things up. Am I correct in my thoughts?” I opened the door a crack.

“Yup, you are correct boss. I'm leaving.” He acted like he was walking away so I turned to head back into my room. As I opened the door up fully, I felt movement behind me. Swinging around I see Simon fucking peeking around me into the room.

“Jesus fuckity fucking Christ Simon! Get the fuck out of here!” I was this fucking close to kicking his ass to Timbuktu. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Just checking, I thought the little lost bunny was with you, but I'm guessing you have a wife in there too, judging by your uh, appearance when you answered the door.”

Jesus fuck. “Get out Simon, do your fucking job.” I swung my arm, shooing him. “And there is no fucking wife in my room, not that it's any of your fucking business.”

I turned, stepping inside my room fully and closed the door, not even waiting for a response from Simon. I was done, fucking bone tired, and honestly scared for y/n. I had failed her. I wasn't even thinking and just went and sat on my bed, my head in my hands, completely forgetting for a moment that she was still in the room with me.

I jumped when something, someone, sat down next to me. Y/N. I tipped my head to look up at her. She was sitting there, the fucking sweetest, sad? look on her face. She put a hand on my back and started rubbing it. She was concerned about me. The man who had a fucking sex dream about her. The man who she had actually begun to trust. The man who let her tormentors loose. The man who let her down.

Her hand came up to my face, she gently grasped my chin, attempting to turn my head.

And then she spoke. A voice so quiet, even quieter than a whisper, so soft, so pure. “It's okay, Negan. It will be okay. I don't blame you, I never would.” And then she smiled, a fucking smile that yes, lit up the whole fucking room.

Her hand still gripping my chin, I brought my hand up to hold hers. “Sweetheart? Did you hear everything? I fucking screwed up. Those fuckers escaped, doll, and that's on me. I should have put on more men down there, I should have, I should have fucking watched them myself, can't trust any fucker nowadays.” I groaned loudly, closing my eyes as I couldn't fucking bear to look into her innocent eyes another second. Those eyes that trusted me.

“I…heard it…all.” She seemed to be having issues talking, her voice cracking, becoming quieter. “But…”  
She stopped, let go of my chin and stood up, marching over to a wall and punched it. I got up quickly, running over to make sure she was okay. There was a hole in my wall. She, tiny little thing she was, punched a fucking hole in the wall.

“Y/N, are you okay?” I asked her hesitantly, I didn't know what might make her freak.

She looked up at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Yes…no. This!” She pointed to her face, her mouth? She turned, walking over to my desk to grab paper and pen, bringing over to the sofa. She sat down and began writing something.

I sat in the chair across from her, silently waiting, wondering what she was going to “say.”

When she had finished, she slid the paper across the table to me. I picked it up and began reading.

I'm sorry Negan, for putting a hole in your wall, I get so angry that I just kind of explode, but I'm ashamed I did that and I'll fix it. I'm sorry for not being able to speak anymore, it doesn't always “work” when I want it to. I'm sorry that I have caused so much trouble, have caused you to suffer when you have been nothing but kind and gentle with me. So, I'm thinking I should leave, I'll be okay, I've survived before. I'll survive again.

 

I can't even begin to thank you for all that you have done for me. I still don't know why you wanted to, I mean, I'm nobody, just some lost girl that can't talk and can't defend herself against live humans, much less dead ones.

 

I'll always remember you, Negan. And I hope you'll remember me.

 

_Y/F/N Y/L/N_

 

What the fuck, she was most certainly not leaving. I noticed wet spots on the note, I looked over to doll to see the feathered shithead sitting on her shoulder. And y/n was crying.

I took a chance, walking over to sit by her. I reached over, praying I wouldn't get fucking ambushed by feathers the little fucker, and took both her hands in mine.

“You most certainly are not leaving doll. You are not safe out there. But I will make sure that you are safe here, that is a promise. I know tonight was a royal fuck up, and I'm sure you're thinking I can't protect shit. But you WILL be safe. And you are not nobody, doll, so just don't fucking go there.”

Taking another chance, seeing her tears falling more rapidly, I placed my arms around her, pulling her tightly into my side. And she didn't fight me. In fact, she snuggled into me tightly, bring her own arms around me. She was shaking now, I could feel the tiny quakes making her whole body vibrate, consequently, mine too.

I started humming some old song from a fucking lifetime ago, didn't know it, couldn't remember it. But just thought it might soothe her in some way.

I thought she might be falling asleep when she spoke up.

“I got a peaceful easy feelin'. And I know you won't let me down. 'Cause I'm already standin'. On the ground.”

Fuck if she wasn't singing the song I was fucking humming. And Jesus if she didn't sound like an angel.

“Doll?” I looked down to where her face was laying against my chest. She chanced a glance up at me, a slight smile spreading across her face.

“My…Mom and I…we always…” I could tell she was having issues with speaking again, and was becoming upset. So I took a hold of her chin, tilting her head up and making sure she was listening.

“Y/N, it's okay. You don't need to speak. We've gotten along pretty good now, right? And you haven't really uttered a word. Don't get upset doll, it ain't fucking worth it.” I let go of her chin, taking a hold of her hand instead. “So you and your mom were Eagles fans too, huh? My Lucille and I, we loved…” Shit, how did I let that slip out.

I glanced down to see her head tipped, fuck.

“You caught me doll.” With my free hand, I began rubbing the back of my neck. “Lucille was my wife, before everything, before the end.” I sighed.

“It's okay, you don't.” That's all she could say, but I understood. She brought a hand up, cupping my cheek, and giving me a so sweet smile.

She understood why I didn't want to talk. And I understood why she couldn't talk. Maybe we were more alike than I would have ever thought. An innocent and an impure. Stranger things I guess.

I spoke up, making her jump. “Sorry sweetheart, I'm just thinking you need your rest. Take the bed, okay?”

She looked disappointed, shaking her head and poking her finger in my chest.

“No doll, I insist. I've slept in worse places, fuck, I've slept standing up. Take the bed, please.”

Besides, I wasn't getting much sleep tonight. Not with those fucking monsters still on the loose.

She relented a tiny smile on her lips. She gathered up the little feather fucker’s nest, carrying him delicately to the bed, placing him next to the pillows. She climbed up onto the bed, my tee she was wearing lifting up a bit, making me once again see the scars she bore. Those fucking scars. Her anger, her voice, those were what would make sure that I fucking catch those motherfucking monsters.

She pulled the covers up around her neck, snuggling down into my pillow. But sat back up, looking over at me. She smiled, then signed ‘thank you’, laying back down.

“You're fucking welcome doll. Sleep tight. You and that little feather fucker.” She giggled, I heard it, as she patted him.

I sat down on the sofa, putting me feet up on the table. Sighing, I laid my head back on the pillows and closed my eyes. I needed sleep, but I couldn't, not now. I was startled up with a knock at my door and a shouted “Negan!”

I jumped up, running to the door and throwing it open.

“We've got ‘em, all of them!” Simon stood before me out of breath.

“Fuck! Where are they?!” I was pacing, I knew I couldn't put off what needed to be fuckng done.

“Down in the cells, but the hall is filled with Saviors, they ain't fucking going anywhere.”

“Okay, I'll be right down. Take them into the main hall, you know what to do from there.”

I quickly walked back into my room, making my way to my closet and grabbing my clothes. I turned, ready to head into the bathroom to get changed when I noticed y/n sitting up in my bed, the covers pulled tightly up to her chin.

Fuck

I stepped over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“They caught them sweetheart. I'm going downstairs to take care of those fuckers once and for all. You're safe now doll, and you always will be from now on. Okay?”

She nodded her head, hesitantly.

I smiled at her, standing to head into the bathroom. Just as I began to close the door I heard her small voice.

“Negan?”

I stepped back into the bedroom. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“Can I…be there?”

Wow, I most certainly didn't fucking expect that.

“Uh, sure doll. But it's not going to be fucking pretty doll. I'm sure you know by now what my punishments are.”

“I'm sure.”

“Okay, I'll be just a minute in the bathroom, then you can get ready.”

“Thank you Negan.”

“You're more than fucking welcome y/n.”

I stepped into the bathroom closing the door softly behind me. She wants to come watch, to see those fuckers get what they goddamn deserve. Justice for all she has gone through. But I wasn't sure I wanted her there. How would she do? Did she truly know what I was capable of? How I exactly dole out said justice? It ain't fucking pretty, that's for sure. And I was more than fucking angry, I was going full on Lucille on them. I was staying calm, for doll’s sake . But fuck if I wasn't buzzing inside, ready to do what needed to be done.

**Author's Note:**

> I am hoping to add a few more chapters to this if people like it. 


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